Oh you lucky brides of the 80s, how I envy you . . . Giant hair, giant nails, giant dresses – had I been getting married in 1980-something I would have been a giant, happy train wreck – completely in my element and completely lost under all that make up, hair, and white tulle. A few years back my best friend Laura and her husband Ron came to my Halloween party as the ultimate 80s bride and groom: What a fun couples costume idea! Especially if you just happen to have a dated, gigantic wedding dress lying around your house . . . if you don’t, a big white dress of any sort will do as long as you are a little crafty and have a hot glue gun or a bedazzler handy. Here is what you’ll need to make these honeymooners come to life:
- White poufy dress – as with anything, the bigger the better – check Goodwill or thrift stores
- White stockings – preferably lace
- Huge headpiece/veil – it’s amazing what you can do with a couple of yards of tulle from the Fabric Depot
- White fingerless gloves
- Pearls, pearls, pearls and rhinestones, rhinestones, rhinestones
- Lee Press-On-Nails – looong talons, either French white tips or red
- Face full of make up, blue shadow, red lips, etc.
- White high heels
- The biggest hair you can bring sprouting a crapload of what else? BABY’S BREATH!
- Tux – again, Goodwill or thrift store if you don’t have one hanging around. Bonus points if you get a jacket with tails.
- Matching cummerbund/tie – if you go to a tux shop you will most likely find the following colors marked way, way down, on sale: hot pink, aqua, emerald green, electric blue or red – which is perfect because these colors are exactly what you need.
- Mullet wig
- Moustache (eeew . . .)
Props include a gaudy bouquet and perhaps a garter, if you feel inclined to toss something/show a little leg. Then you can try and get people to make toasts in your honor . . . or start slow dancing hoping they will give you a buck for the “dollar dance.” What would your song be? My top three contenders: