Worst Halloween Candy Ever?

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. What could be better than going door to door—in a costume no less— and asking total strangers to give you candy? What’s even wilder is that they actually give you candy! The 80s were my prime trick-or-treating years and I raked in the loot! I was very grateful for this cornucopia of treats, with very few “tricks,” which should be understood here to mean “candy that sucks a**.” (Don’t even get me started on the people who would hand out boxes of raisins.) Halloween was an especially sweet time because my mom strictly limited our sugar intake, which I now appreciate, but which at the time I found to be dragsville.

Every year, scattered among the treats haul of mini Hershey bars, Sweet Tarts, and Tootsie Rolls would be a few tricks. And that unwanted Halloween trick came in the form of these tooth-breaking, nasty-as-all-get-out, faux peanut-butter-flavored rocks. It’s like they were wearing their own Halloween costume. They were large pieces of gravel masquerading as Halloween candy.   And they almost pull it off with their holiday-colored black and orange wrappings. I was only ever fooled once. In subsequent years, these nuggets of nastiness went untouched. I couldn’t even get my little sister to take them in the elaborate post-holiday candy trade.

Worst. Candy. Ever.  The Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kiss by Necco

Worst. Candy. Ever. The Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kiss by Necco

I turns out that these orange and black wrapped rocks have a proper name: Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses, made by Necco. If those things are kisses, they are the kisses of a creepy, middle-aged uncle who lives with his mom and isn’t allowed to have a computer with Internet access.

While I am certainly not alone in my belief that the Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kiss is the worst Halloween candy ever, a small, but vocal, minority of our readers on Facebook have weighed in on the side of the Peanut Butter kiss. Christina L. comments, “They’re in my candy dish right now – I love them!”

So, what say you? Worst candy ever? Vote below.

Is the Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kiss the absolute bottom of the barrel in Halloween candies?

Author: Pia Sooney

Just a little obsessed with all things 80s, Pia still has her Swatch, her cassette tape collection, and her Converse Chucks. When not making friendship pins or listening to Depeche Mode, she runs a web design business.

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6 Comments

  1. I voted for the “peanut butter rocks” and “Smarties” would be a close #2 on my least favorite list.

    It seems like every year there was a rumor that a dentist who lived in the neighborhood was giving out toothbrushes instead of candy but I never actually saw this happen. Perhaps, this was just a “Suburban Legend?”

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    • The other story that would circulate was the razor-blades-in-apples scare. Remember that one?

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      • I do remember that, too. I think I only got an apple once in my entire trick-or-treating career and promptly threw it away because I was afraid there was a razor inside.

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    • I don’t think these Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses are the worst.
      I give you that yea they stick and suck to your teeth and can pull out a filling…
      but you have to be careful on how you suck on them.
      I hate those soft circus peanut candys in a bag.
      They make me what to barf.

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  2. HA! I just saw this post and guess what we have in our pumpkin shaped candy jar?? You guessed it: Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses! (I did NOT buy them, BTW!)

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  3. I once got a small plastic sandwhich bag filled with Lucky Charms cereal. Needless to say my mother threw it out, even though I really wanted to eat it.

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